Chapter Two
Failure is not a shame, it’s part of life
I am father of three, my first born Cherish is six years old, my
second born Jensen is three years old and my last born Shyreen is two years
old. One of the joys of being a parent and raising kids is eyeing how they fail
so many times in the process of growing up. I remember when my first wife and I
were blessed with our first born Cherish, I was so scared seeing my lovely
daughter falling down every time she
tried standing up. I was so careful wanting my daughter not to experience the
pain of falling down to the extent that I was fearful being around every time
she is playing at the sitting room because deeply in my heart I was acred that
once she tries to stand up she may fall down and I will terribly be hurt by
that.
My wife noted that I was so scared and she was laughing at me.
She said Paul there is no way Cherish will be able to learn how to stand up if
she doesn’t try and fail.
She said you don’t have to
get scared because this is natural, it’s
part of the learning process. Be happy that Cherish is making an effort to try
standing up and fail because other children don’t even try it at all. That is the moment I realised that
failure is part of life and the famous
saying goes ‘if you
don’t fail you don’t grow’. Even when she managed to stand up, Cherish again wanted to
walk alone, again I could see her
failing so many times. But Cherish as younger as she was, she did’t waif for someone to inspire
her to keep trying, she kept on trying to walk on her own, again she failed but
she kept trying until she did it. The same process was repeated throughout her growing circle until when she managed to
stand up, walk, run, read and write.
Growth of a child is a classical example of the fact that
failure is not an end, it’s
a process. A child doesn’t
stop growing simply because she or he fails to start walking. The same concept
is applicable in our own life. Growth in our business and career life goes hand
in hand with the process of trying, failing, learning and succeeding. That’s to say failure is technically
inseparable in the life of a human being. And if that is the case then it’s not your problem to
experience failure but it’s
your problem not to do something, never to try again, never to learn something
every time you experience failure. Can
you imagine what could have happened to Cherish or any child you know if she or
he could fail to stand up and stop trying anymore? what do you think could
possibly happen? of course life would have moved on but that would limit
their potential for growth. Similarly, it doesn’t mean that if we fail in business or career and decide not
to try again we will die, obviously not
but this would limit our potential for career or business success.
Someone would say what are you talking about Paul, it’s not about childhood, it’s about the world of matured
people where one is judged by the rule of the game, by numbers and deliverables
and targets. It’s true, as
a business owner for the past ten years
both working for myself, my business and for my clients, I understand the language
of results. Of course if there is someone who is very keen when it comes to
performance is me. But that doesn’t
negate the fact that any great performance is a result of failing and learning
and failing and learning until you become and outstanding performer. Remember
the day you were learning your second, your third or your fourth language,
being swahili or english, spanish or Chinese. How old were you? did you speak
correctly with the proper pronunciation the first day you started learning because
you were an adult? did you speak fluently without fail? Of course not, why?
because failure is an opportunity to succeed. It’s only when you speak and fail that someone can say hey it’s not that way, you must speak
this way and you learn from your failure and do differently and succeed and move to another stage and probably fail,
and learn and do it again and succeed
and proceed the same way while improving stage by stage.
Do not personalise, no one is born a failure or successful
Right after the University, my friends and I started a magazine
and later a newspaper business. We were inspired and motivated to bring to life
some of the profound ideas we had while
at the University. We never had enough to establish the businesses but we had the right kind of
networks, connections but more
importantly the energy and knowledge to do something meaningful. We worked so
hard, day and night to establish Schools & Colleges Magazine and later
Familia Newspaper. However after two years and so the newspapers collapsed and
we went jobless. One day, I met a close
friend. She knew what I was doing and she had an idea of my background and what
I used to do in school. She said, Paul business is not your thing, that’s why the magazine and the
newspaper didn’t work. It
came from someone very close to me and at a point it disturbed me so much. I
started feeling negative about myself and started questioning wether I was
meant to become an entrepreneur.
At that time I still had a vision bold enough to persevere. So I
came with with another idea to start a consulting business. In so doing, I
visited one of my old school mate for advise and guidance. I just wanted her
opinion on what I was trying to establish. Similarly, my friend knew that the
business didn’t work. In
fact as a friend and as someone I made an effort to approach for courage and
guidance, I naturally expected some words of encouragement. Instead she also
wondered y I still wanted to move on with business. She said, Paul can you be a
little bit serious, how can you consult
others while you have failed in your own business?. I said nothing but the
message was sent straight in my heart. It was not funny, I felt it. But I didn’t take it personal and I moved on to establish the East
Africa Speakers Bureau which was the first and hitherto the only lecture agency in East Africa by 2007. What are the
lessons here?
First of all you need to understand that failure or success is
not an inborn trait. It’s
like being nor african or european or asian or american. If you try doing
business and it doesn’t
work doesn’t mean that you
were not born to become an entrepreneur. Likewise, if you start your own
business and it works it doesn’t
mean that you were destined to be a business man. If I would have taken the
comments by my parents personal, then I would’t have moved on to start a consulting business and I would’t have even be writing right now. I probably wouldn’t have content to share in this
book. The fact that I had to experience what I experienced, is what gave me the
ideas, lessons and the confidence to share a lot about the art of failure. It’s what has given me an
opportunity to develop failure is an
opportunity to succeed as a business franchise. Today, failure is an
opportunity to succeed is not only a book but also a blog, a radio program, a
Tv show, a diary and a strong message in all promotional materials you know,
pens, T-shirts, caps etc. If I would have believed in the myth that I was not
born an entrepreneur or in the other
language I was born to fail in business would I had have the courage to
accomplish all these?
So how many times have you ever been told that you can’t? not necessary in business, it may be in your own marriage
or exams or heath recovery or losing weight etc. How many times have you ever
ben told that this is not your thing? but how many times have you proven to
yourself that you can. It’s
as simple as that. Failure is not you, is just an event in the course of life
that is meant to give you a window of opportunity through the process of learning. Failure is the price you pay for
success and failure is what comes before success.
You have not failed, you have just discovered what works and
what doesn’t work
One of my client is in the service sector running the business
of health. Early this year he approached us to prepare a two days customised
training on customer service. I asked why do you want a two days training? He
said because our staff are so busy and it becomes so difficult to extend the
training in so may days. I said fine I can understand that but I thing we would
rather have some hours of training then let the staff go implement what they
have learned then come back and share what works and what doesn’t work then we all learn from
the experience and fix it and learn more content and go back to implement and
come back to share lessons until we see some improvements. He said sounds like a good idea. Being in the training
industry for some years now, I have learned the power of feedback. But feedback
may be positive or negative. Either way you need it that you can determine the
way forward. Modern training methodology employ the approach of circular
learning because of the understanding that nothing works permanently. And if
nothing works permanently then nothing you will learn that will work
permanently. Something may work here but not there, it may work to this
industry but not in that industry, it may work today but not tomorrow. If that
is the case then discovering failure is the necessary part of success. That’s to say not being able to
achieve the desired outcome is not failure
per se rather the discovery of what doesn’t work in that particular situation.
One of the most popular failure celebrity and so the success
celebrity popularly known as the electric bulb genius failed 1,000 times before
he invented the electric build. His name is Thomas Edison. When Thomas Edison
was asked he said I know 1,000 times how not to fail, what do you know?
Do not let the fear of failure grab your opportunity to
succeed
When I was in high school I didn’t like mathematics. My primary school performance was
astounding, I got 149 marks out of 150, my secondary school performance was
encouraging, I got division two and my high level performance was encouraging,
I got division two as well. But throughout my secondary and high level
education, I developed fear in mathematics to the extend that I got examination
fever few minutes before the final exam and I had to be rushed to hospital
before attending my exams. It was what we examination phobia. Despite my good
academic record, the fear of mathematics was about to grab my opportunity to proceed with University studies. It was
not that I had learning disability, no I just had developed interest in other
subjects than mathematics. At school I was good in language and history studies
than mathematics and economics. Though I performed well my A-level studies to join the University in Economics and
Sociology, till today I am more passionate about the science of people than the
science of numbers.
But why did I fall sick few minutes before the mathematics exam?
the answer is clear fear of failure. A
lot of people do not succeed not because
they do not have what it takes to succeed but because they fear to fail. Fear
of failure scientifically known as ‘atychphobia’ is a biggest reason why people
do not try, why they do not persevere and ultimately why they do not
succeed or move to another level from
success to significance. You do not have to feel abnormal by fear of failure.
fear on its own right is a natural respond to an event in life. Actually it is
healthy ti have a certain amount of fear in life. Without any kind of fear a
human being becomes a very dangerous animal. So it’s fine to fear but it’s not fine not to deal with fear because it may cause serious
problems in your life. What is it that you ever thought of doing and you
have never done because of fear? would you like to overcome your fears and do
something?
First of all you need to understand the causes of your fears. To me the fear of
mathematics came from the fact that I was so much passionate about art subjects
that I never took time to do mathematics. Therefore my fears were a result of
lack of preparations. But some kinds of fear may be a result of tragedy events
which happened in someone’s life. In 2004 I visited the
refugee camps in kasulu and Kibondo Kigoma Tanzania most of whom being refugees
from the Rwandan Genocide and the Burundi crisis of 1993/ 1994. I remember
taking to one of the refugees who shared a devastating story of his life. ‘ I was in Burundi with my
beautiful family and a nice job. I witnessed my family members get killed and others disappeared. I
don’t want to go back to
my country’ He said. As I
looked at home I realised that he was young and energetic but at that age he
was so fearful of going back home because of what happened in his life. May be
that example may be bait far from the reality of your life. But have you ever
come across someone who tells you he or
she can not start a new relationship because the previous one was so hurting
and embarrassing? so because the
previous relationship failed, and for the experience of pain, this person is
fearful that the next relationship will fail again and cause
immense pain.
I can not tell you do not fear because it happens naturally but
what I can tell you is that if you realise that failure is an opportunity to succeed and you are
convoked enough that it is through failure
that we learn and gain strength then you will automatically not fear. You will
approach an exam or a job interview or a new relationship or a new research or a new job or an election
with the mentality that no matter what
happens I shall not fear because I will not lose it all, I will learn something
essential for success.
Failure to make
mistakes is failure to succeed
A nice couple approached a pastor for marriage. The pastor said
that is a really a good thing to do in life. But the Pastor asked why do you
think you are ready for marriage? they said throughout the time we dated,
everything is perfect. The Paster asked what do you men by saying everything is
perfect? they said because we like each other and we never like argued, we
never fought, we never shouted at zone another
so we feel that we are ready for marriage. The Pastor said okay that is
nice but I want you to keep dating at least for the next three months then come
back again to me. The couple said no problem Pastor surely we will. After three
weeks the girl showed up to the Pastor alone. And the Pastor asked, where is your husband to be? the girl replied, I
don’t have any husband to
me, thank God that you told us to keep dating for the next three months, I came
to realise that my boyfriend was so violent. We just argued once in our
relationship and how he reacted is something I can’t take at all.
Everyone in life would like to see everything goes smoothly
without challenges. We would wish to see no issues in our relationship, career
and business. We would wish to pass our exams, get a job in our first interview.
But that is not real. It’s
like imagining the perfect world. The world without any problem, no diseases,
no floods, no accidents etc. In fact there is no such a world. Similarly
imagining life without mistakes technically means imagining the world without
any accomplishment. When I was young my
sunday school teacher taught me that God is greater than anything and that
there is nothing in this world which is out of God’s control. But then I asked myself, if God is in control of
everything, why is it that there are so much suffering in this world? Then I came to learn that when God created man, he created an
intelligent creator, He gave him gifts and the power to create, He sent him to
the world and asked him to make a difference.
That is the essence of
life, all the challenges you go through all the mistakes you make and all the
failures you have been through are not there by accident. They are there to
test your talents, your gifts and your
creative potential. If there is no perfect world then they can’t be perfect beings. making
mistakes and going through failure is part of being human. Every time you make
a intake that is the time you are learning and opening up your windows of
success. Reading carefully the couple example you realise that the girl never knew that they were not ready for
marriage until when something happened in their relationship. I don’t know whose mistake was it but
what I know is the factual truth that
failure to make mistakes in their relationship was their failure to
proceed with their intent to get married.
The Wright Brothers will be remembered down history for
inventing the aeroplane after two successful failure before achieved
sustainable flight. Abraham Lincoln will be remembered in the American history
for becoming an American President after failing numerously for public office. Henry found failed five
times before he invented Model T. which
introduced Ford Motor Company in the map of automobile industry. I failed
numerously before starting writing this book. So many successful people in this
world had experienced numerous failure
before their success. My friend Azim Jamal, one of the sought-after
inspirational speaker and coach who has authored a number of books, spoken to
millions around the world and coached
great leaders of our time says I fail everyday. In the other
language Azim says I learn everyday and
so I open up opportunities for success
on daily basis.
