Don’t Judge, Love by Paul Mashauri

Don’t Judge, Love by Paul Mashauri

13rd, September, 2015, Masaki, Dar es Salaam

I was grown up in a very lovely family. My dad and mom were kind of parents who wanted the best of us. Raised in a Christian family, I learned  how to love and care from my parents and relatives. I remember little things like eating together at home, mom or dad bringing us sweets and fruits when coming back home after work made all of us feel loved and secured. Not only that I was inspired by the lives of my parents but I also copied their style. Even when I got married at the age of twenty seven, I had a my parent’s marriage format at the back of my mind.

Because I was raised from a very strong family, I thought that is the case to very one else, that is what other children experience and that’s how all the families are or are supposed to be. And when I grew up as a teenager, I could not understand people who are coming from dysfunctional families. I could  not understand divorced couples, I could not  understand street children and I could judge them as selfish, inconsiderate, in patient, greedy etc. While at secondary school for instance, between  1997 and 1998 at Forodhani Secondary school, we used to see around street children ho were raised at one of the oldest centre in town. Most of these young kids were quite talented but I used to think that they are so notorious not to stay with their beautiful parents at home. Of course part  of the assumption may be true but jot always the case to every street child. Similarly, when I grew up in my early twenties, I met friends some of whom older that I was, who were living a single life after some years of divorce and I could judge and label them as unsuccessful regardless of their massive accomplishment in other areas of their lives because of what I so called ‘failed marriages’. Further to that, I used to meet girls who gave birth before marriage and I could judge them as immoral, irresponsible  and unsettled until the time I became the victim in my early  thirties.

As I am writing this peace of my story, my bedroom clock reads 10:00 pm. It’s so quite in Masaki, Dar es Salaam only that I can hear the sound of the generator from a distant informing that there is no power somewhere around.  As I am sitting on my little office  table and chair after signing off from Facebook just a day ago for my personal reflection and learning I am imagining that may be someone somewhere is having the same reflection I have right now and on one way of another could be inspired and transformed by these words of reflection. Few minutes ago, I was charting with my good friend Jubilee from  South Africa through what’s up while watching Joel Osteen ’s youtube video on Marriage and Lasting Relationships when an idea to write  this article came into my mind. Based on my personal experience, I  decided to share the concept of love and how we should not look at people in the eyes of judgement instead looking at everyone, the so called ‘ the good and the bad’ in the eyes of love. As I finished watching Joel Osteen’s life changing video, I started reflecting on my life, my understanding of marriage, my  experiences in relationships and my new life as a 34 years  single man living alone in a small apartment away from my three little children whom I  miss dearly. It’s this reflection that pushes me to reflect back the golden old days when I could dare to judge persons like me based on their situations without taking time to understand their story.

What is my story? It’s almost a year now away from my wife and children whom I loved from the bottom of my heart. Living at my own home, with a beautiful wife and children, seeing my son and daughter on daily basis and just to wake up one morning and realise that you are living alone in a studio apartment which no one to talk to or ask how they feel that morning was quite a sad experience. Regardless of what happened  in between, the same experience taught me a  number of lessons and one of them is not to judge people but to love them unconditionally and help them get to their true potential and  enjoy the gifts and the life God has given them. The same way I look at my life right now and  I wish things would have been different is the same way someone you are judging because of drugs or alcohol or any kind of addiction thinks over when sober. In my life I have realised that it is very easy to judge people, to say this man or a woman or a child made a terrible mistake. May be yes may be not but this is what you see from the outside but there may be much you don’t know from the inside. From what happened in my life I learned that each one of us has his or her own battles to fight. We may be looking at people wishing we could be like them or wishing they could  be like us but what we often forget is the truth that we have no idea of what they are going through right now.

Just a month ago I was driving a car and did hit another car which was ignition off next to me at the junction between  Chole road and IST road. The driver who was a lady came out of her car and straight to me wondering how recklessly I was driving hitting the car which was not moving waiting to cross the road. Funny enough, I noted that her face was very familiar  to me. She went and looked at the back of her car and found that there was no damage on the car. She did not shout at me or speak a word but I noted from her face that she was not happy with the incident. At that moment, I could not explain the situation to her but in my mind I knew that I just lost focus for I had so much going on in my mind. That was at least a week after moving to my new studio apartment, starting a completely new life as a single man after six good years of staying with my lovely family. As she was looking at her car, I spoke to myself  in my heart and speak to myself, I wish she would have known that two days ago I got a terrible accident hitting an electric poll at the same road. I wish she would have known what I am going through right now.

I have so much to tell on this, so many incidents to tell and a lot of examples to share. But the purpose of my message is not to show that I went through difficulties, of course everyone goes through  periods of hardship in his or her life but I wanted you to take time and imagine all your good friends and relatives who show up to you awkwardly  or do the odd things you can not imagine and yo wonder what terrible kinds of people are they?. He may be a workaholic boss at your workplace, or your team mate who can not deliver for reasons that are not known to you. Instead of judging him or her as incompetent, take time to talk to him and understand  what is that he is going through in his life. And may be you can be that person God wants to use to bring  back the light in his  life.

It is this realisation of a victim that made me learn not to judge people. Often people do not share their innate experiences in life but the reason why I am always pushed to share my personal experience is because of the inner voice in me and the burning desire to see that someone becomes better because of my words. I believe there is a healing power in words. I believe there are no failures just lessons and I am not shameful  of my experience for they make me more insightful, and indeed more stronger. As an inspirational writer  and speaker, I learned that we all have unique stories to share but not everyone of us have the same passion, guts and desire to speak out.  I have seen people crying in silence because they have no one to talk to, explain their fears and pain. We have been  raised in a culture in which it’s a pride to share success stories and not otherwise. As a result we feel  unwanted and undeserving when we do mistakes. But when I see that  burning desire in me, the desire to share and inspire, I see another way, another route of evangelism that common men and women like me and you can be the reason for someone else to live the hope. I have the feeling that in life you may be climbing one mountain from another  not because you have the energy to do that but because God gets you through because he wants you to experience the low and the high of the mountains that you can be the witnesser and a messenger  to tell the world what it means to be on the ground and what it means to be on top of the mountain.Yes I may have the privilege  to speak to you as anyone can do but still I am a mere human being. I and you and your good friends and relatives are weak human beings, we may help and we may not help when you are in need but God almighty  is always there. Even when you have nothing to read and get your spirit up as you are reading this pear right now just remember one thing, that God is a permanent partner, He never judges because He understands one language only, the language of love and forgiveness.

It doesn't mater who they are, wether ordinary or extraordinary, wether famous or common men, we are all human beings vulnerable to emotional stress. It doesn't matter how much we own and or how loved we are, some of our challenges are beyond our control. Wether you are a pastor  or a motivational speaker, an inspirational leader or an iconic figure, a movie star or a comedian, a famous politician or a University Professor at the end of the day we are all humans. Yes we may have made some wrong choices and or we may have committed some mistakes, but the truth still remains there that there is a reason for everything in life, even those that are not known to you. Yes people will judge you but just understand one fact, what they don’t see is worse than what they see. To all of us who wish our friends could have been different, let us not judge them for we do not know what is really happening in their life, instead let’s help them get better, sometimes what we see and judge them from is the better scenario than what could happen to them if they couldn’t have done what you are judging right now. Let us be kind enough to show love and help and leave God be the Judge. Let us remember that we are who we are for His Grace not for our own righteousness.